It is dawning on me that I’m beginning to feel some compassion for myself.
This concept, self-compassion (had to google it to make sure) is pretty much alien to me. Self-pity I get; but, kindness and possibly even a little love for oneself as a real experience – well have not been there or done that.
Something about writing a journal blog as openly and honestly as possible is undoubtedly causing this to happen. I mean, it’s not like I’m madly in love with myself or even common vanity; but, little by little, I’m being kinder to me. Maybe it’s seeing that this guy in the reflection of the blog is not really all the stupid and weird. He seems like an okay guy, maybe scared of his own shadow, at times; but, not a massive fuck up.
I don’t know any of this for sure, yet.
I have noticed that it can be very sad sometimes (probably b/c I used to be addictively self-destructive) but, mostly in a good way. See that’s what I mean, it’s a puzzling process.
This, I’m gonna let sit on the back burner for a while and see what comes up next.
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